Why Long Married Couples Divorce

1. Empty Marriage After 40 Years
2. Why Long Married Couples Divorce

The scenario baffles many of us. The perfect couple that spends decades cultivating the perfect “picket fence” life, ends the marriage on the cusp of the golden years. Friends and family wonder, “What just happened?” Many folks who are “once removed” from the couple’s inner circle start to gossip about all the potential causes of the disillusionment of marriage. Was one of them cheating?

Are they fighting over money? Was the marriage all about the children? It’s a sad scenario, but it happens. The most “seasoned” couples can watch their once vigorous marriage decline into oblivion. The question is, were there signs that the end was near? Read on to discover some of the big reasons that seasoned couples decide to go their separate ways.

The Walls Are Closing In Sometimes couples in a long-term relationship feel constrained by the enduring dynamics of the relationship. Partners may feel that they are holding one another back from self-actualization. Yes, there are times that individuals in an enduring union feel like they cannot take further steps together, and would be healthier parting ways. Freedom comes at a steep price when it means the end of a relationship that’s been affirming and sustaining for decades. Communication Malaise It’s been said that communication isn’t merely talking to your partner, but rather understanding their point of view and vision for life. When understanding and an awareness of vision are no longer present in the relationship, the relationship will eventually wither and die.

We the are the result of a stroke or another debilitating medical condition, the agony of “ending” can be even more pronounced. Great Expectations Let’s be honest. “Till Death Do us Part” is a tall order. It’s hard to imagine that this ideal is tested in, but it is. When retirement, a job loss, or chronic illness sets in, we hope that our intimate partner will help us navigate the uncertainty and the change. That doesn’t always happen.

On some occasions, our beloved ones “have had enough” and choose to step away from the connection. For the partner that remained committed to the relationship, priorities and expectations must be reconsidered as well. The Dreaded Change in Lifestyle So you reach the “Golden Years” of earning. Armed with a big position and an equally large salary, you find yourself on the top of your financial game. Your beloved gets use to the cruises, the Cadillacs and all the amazing discretionary income. Suddenly, the economy tanks and your wonderful job sinks with it. Many marriages cannot survive the abrupt decline in income and the related lifestyle change.

Yours may not survive it. But if it your relationship strength is judged by your earnings, was the relationship worth the time and effort in the first place? The Breach of Trust It may begin with a series of late nights at the office. A spouse notices that strange charges are appearing on the American Express, and the cell phone record is polluted with unknown numbers.

Empty Marriage After 40 Years

As one partner’s suspicions grow, even the most battle-hardened relationships can suffer. If the offending spouse is not willing to work on the issues that led to the breach of trust, it may all be over. Jealously Some partners have a second spouse – THE JOB – or a hobby that becomes time-consuming and intimacy-challenging. Sometimes, on the other hand, the spouse that feels like a victim to the workaholic may be overstating the depth of the problem.

Yes, jealousy can be a problem in seasoned marriages if one or both partners suffers from a heavy dose of insecurity. Sometimes the resulting jealousy can make the loving exchange of time and information an utter impossibility. Jealousy is a marriage killer for marriages of all durations. The Empty Nest Kids get older and, hopefully, leave their family of origin to begin a life of their own accord. Many couples, while missing the days when the kids were at home, welcome the empty nest enthusiastically.

Other couples discover that they invested so much of their time and effort on the kids that they do not know how to function as a pair anymore. This can be a traumatic discovery for a family, but it happens more often than you would think. It’s hard to reinvent the marriage several decades into the relationship. With the kids out of the picture to soften the reality of a couple that’s not really coupled, the relationship will decay. Adopting kids or pouring one’s self into grandkids will not heal the core issue We don’t know how to be together.

Personality Conflict People change. We are dynamic, evolving, malleable creatures. Inasmuch, our relationships must change with us or they will disintegrate. It happens more often than you think. While personality changes and the resultant potential of conflict are often the offspring of organic causes – aging, dementia, education – there are some external causes too. For instance, a personality conflict may arise over issues like politics, aging parents, or how to deal with a troubled adult child.

When we don’t see eye-to-eye on the defining issues of our life together, we may turn on each other. Read More: Final Thoughts Even seasoned marriages can die a late-stage death. While still much rarer than early-stage divorces, the late divorce is every bit as devastating. In fact, older couples may not have the physical and emotional reserves to fully recover from the loss. Surround yourself with caring professionals.

Cliff Owen/AP Photo CIA Director David Petraeus resigned from post over extramarital affair. By now, it's an old story: one-half of a high-profile and — usually the man, truth be told — admits to having an affair. Sometimes, the couple's marriage can withstand the infidelity; other times, the breach of trust is too deep, and a split or divorce ensues. David and Holly Petraeus don't fit the mold, say, of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, since Holly Petraeus has not been nearly as prominent as her military-hero-turned-CIA-chief husband of 38 years. And we don't know, yet, whether their.

But what we do know is that while questions of grab the most headlines, having an extramarital affair is not what's behind the breakup or divorce of most long-term relationships. The on the sexuality of people 45 and older found that extramarital affairs happen for only a relatively small number of couples. So while infidelity is certainly the precipitating factor in some marriages failing, it's not the reason in most cases. Fortunately, the overwhelming majority of marriages are not presented with such mega challenges. Still, plenty of breakups occur after a relationship of many years.

Why Long Married Couples Divorce

Although some people are able to negotiate the inevitable bumps in the road, for others those bumps turn into a sinkhole — something that they cannot seem to climb out of. Sadly, and often with great, the couple say 'enough.' And, yes, couples are saying that more often these days. The answer is. We live so much longer now. Half a century ago, an unhappy couple in their mid-60s might have stayed together because they thought it wasn't worth divorcing if they had only a few years left to live.

Now, 65-year-olds can easily envision at least 20 more active years — and they don't want them to be loveless, or full of frustration or disappointment. And then, of course, we're now looking at the. They're different from the 50-year-olds who lived before them. In previous eras, couples soldiered on even if they were very unhappy. But boomers gave up on the concept of the dutiful-but-unhappy spouse a long time ago. They were the originators of a higher divorce rate, and while that divorce rate has slowed, we may be seeing a spike as people ponder whether or not they will into extreme old age. So, yes, there are plenty of reasons why a couple who have been married for 30, 40, even 50 years might break up.

And although we don't celebrate divorce in this country, we are not afraid of it, either. This now extends to our golden years, as well.